rog_star's Xanga

The End

Wed, 08 Nov 2006 04:06:59 GMT

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.

I started this 'blog' to pass time in camp and to release my stressed feelings about my superiors and complaint about life.

Then, People started reading it so I started to write about what I did everyday. well, now the time has come for me to say good-bye. This is the end. I know I haven't updated my entries in a while. But like I said ... Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.

This is the end of my blog and army life. I finish next monday. But this is the last day of my camp life! So ... i decided to close this blog for good. since there's nothing inside there about anything important.

*In case you ever come across this page in the future.

Just so you know my plans after I ORD.

- Travelling to Jakarta - working for dad. NOV, JAN, FEB

- Travelling to australia - sydney and Melbourne - holiday. DEC (to be confirmed)

- Maybe work in the ZOO? April, May June

-Ultimately bum and work till skool starts in AUG. - ST. Martins school of arts

- Bali anyone? Late March. Maybe early April. Biiiiiiig Group going.

- Set up studio at new house!

- film movie! for fun! actors and actresses needed. sex scenes included.

-Last Entry-

Biggest game so far

Fri, 19 May 2006 01:06:23 GMT

It was our biggest game so far ever. And we lost. We scored first. And we held on to that lead for so long. And when they equalised. I was panicking. I was dissapointed. I was afraid. Then I started lifting my hopes up and started to tell myself that we'd score back. And just when I was getting over it, they score another one against us. And this time, I was angry, I was furious. I was empty. I felt like kicking the TV. I alomost did. I screamed so loud and then I just watched the title fade away in silence.

I'm still not over it. And i'm fucking hating the fact that all the fucking people that make fun of arsenal are all of a sudden Barcelona fans. Since when did they ever support a non-EPL team? fucking wankers. Fucking taking up the winners side just so they can jack the shit out of arsenal and their supporters. I mean like where the fuck is your loyalty man?

Aniwae, I think Lehmann is a fuckwit. I shouldn't have prayed before the match. we all know what he's like! and before the match, I actually took the time to stop and pray that he wouldn't get a yellow card for doing something stoopid. My prayers were answered. He didn't get a yellow! he got a fucking RED! 10 men against 11. So early in the game. With an inexperienced goalie! We were doing pretty well but I guess they tired us out.

And i mean the Ref. I don't even wanna start with that man! He should have fucking tattood 'I love Barca' on his forehead! ... I have nothing else to say. Except that despite the fact that we didn't get the title. I am still proud to be an arsenal fan and I respect their quality and sportsmanship and the dicipline they maintain consistently. I always and will forever pledge my loyalty to the gunners. I respect all other teams as good competition and acknowledge quality of other teams. As for the fans of other teams. I respect you only as much as you respect me.

sick

Tue, 25 Apr 2006 03:01:55 GMT

Think I might be sick ... maybe from too much alcohol.

Is it possible to get a drinking sickness at such a young age? I might be extreme but it seems to me that everyone else that club are just as extreme as me. They never seem to be sick.

I was breathing the other day. And at first I thought it was just my asthma. but then my kidneys started to hurt. every breath i took ... there was like a sharp pain near my lower back. i've never felt any pain there before.

I guess I just need to cut down on the booze. But I was thinking ... I am an alcoholic. I can't even tell if it's a mental or physical addiction. But take my word for it. I've never gone without alcohol for more than 3 days. since like ... I quit drugs.

Fuck ...

Dream

Wed, 19 Apr 2006 00:45:16 GMT

So I fell asleep last night after rolling a joint. I called Jack to see if he had wanted to do it with me but I happened to fall asleep while waiting for him to call me back.

So my dream was about a war between God and the devil. Well it wasn't really a war, it was more like the both of them were like fighting for me. Like they wanted me cause I was important. It made me feel special but it always seemed like a game, and they were only allowed to advise me. I had to make all the choices. They couldn't force me to do anything.

I can't tell you what they looked like because they were simply living in everything and everywhere! As in like, when my friend offered me a smoke, that would obviously be the devil. But then there would always be another friend around to stop me from doing it. Which was God. And while making the choice in the dream, it was so clear to me and obvious what the correct decision should have been. But do we really say no in reality?

The strangest part of this dream is that it felt so real. Like I was really there and being put to the test. And in the dream, sometimes it felt so comforting, like a warmth of a burning ball of fire inside my heart burning out all the evil from my soul. Sometimes, I'd feel chilly and clammy and imagine darkness but with many evil smiles surrounding me.

Also, In some parts, I am confident that I was really in a spiritual dimension. I won't know how to explain it but it's like there was soooo much wind in an empty room that was filled with clouds. And in my mind i kept thinking. I am stronger than to let the wind blow me down. In the room was this black hole and it just felt bad going in there. I went in there like 3 or 4 times and I can't remember what was in there but it was bad. Like every scenario had a black hole. If I made the wrong decision i'd fall into the black hole. but i'd get to do it again. like another chance.

The thing is, there were so many scenarios where i was tricked by the devil cause sometimes I couldn't tell if it was God or the devil talking to me. And the game was something like for every 5 choices I make to God's advantage or the devil's advantage, I move onto the next stage or move down a stage. Every stage was a different scenario.

And it was so real, but hard to explain. When I had reached a sort of enlightenment, I thought I had reached heaven. Cause it was so peaceful. Then I realised that I had dreamt the exact same dream exactly the same time last year after easter. And I suddenly woke up! I was very calm and felt cleansed!

When I awoke, I realised that last year, I had this opportunity to decide if i wanted to quit smoking and it would be easy. But I decided to go back to sleep when i thought it was just a dream. I said, I'll throw out my smokes later when i wake up.

So I awoke and decided that, now, I get to decide again. same time, same place, different year but same scenario. Immediately, I got out of bed, threw my stash out and my full packet of cigarettes into my dustbin.

Checked my handphone. I had like 6 miss calls but I never heard it. I normally do. Then I realised, I somehow had kept a few bible verses that nicky had asked me to check up ages ago. Never checked it up but always told myself ... don't delete the msgs. I'll check it one day.

Go check out Romans 8:1-11. It's something about you are never a christian unless you have christ living in you. Not just because you acknowledge God and Jesus. You have to potray yourself as a christian. and not just talk about it. and that your spirit will resurrect after you die because Jesus lives in you.

Haven't smoked the whole day today, although I feel like it. I don't know man. this is actually quite hard but I decided to share this story yesterday so i'm doing just that now.

crazeeee week yo!

Tue, 18 Apr 2006 08:44:45 GMT

Listen to how my week went down.

So it started off with a normal slow weekend. although ling was back and alex was back by sunday. I kicked it off with friday night at zouk with the usuals and drank a lil bit.

Saturday, went to the rugby sevens. Amazing sight! Passed out at night completely while the other people made a mess of my house. but thats okay.

Cause sunday I went to the rugby sevens again and thats where I met Sophie. had a good sunday nights rest.

Monday, Camp, then holland with ling alex and lorraine. and sister. had a tall beer. slept even better.

Tuesday, Camp, folowing a whole day of planning for THE LooF. with zhiyun steph jielun liren ling alex val elroy tristan brandon julian kyle and ryan. basically i msged the whole world but onlie a few showed up. but got wasted that night and blew a big whole in my wallet. Following that, they came over to my house after smoking. paper cloud rained all over my car an onto my DKNY jacket.

Wednesday, Mambo, which was fun ... except that I was already running low on cash. so, only had a lil to drink. Oh by the way, I still went to camp on all days including ...

Thursday, following which I was so tired from all the lack of sleep and intoxication, I still could not sleep cause of our holiday'rs. Joined them at this jap restaurant for dinner with the company of a bottle of some transparent japanese alcohol which totally fucked me up sice I was smoking too! Jack had taken his lil crew for a hot box and a car ride! Joined them at butter factory after taking my lil crew for a hot box and a car ride. Never made it to HOME to join the rest. Instead, met up with gavin and roderick with yanie and johanna at some dodgy pub where the vodka was too cheap. Yes, got trashed but made it home ... just.

Friday, after recovering from a painful hangover, Had to deal with the fact that I had church and that Jack wanted to smoke summore. And the tiesto tickets. So was running around again picking up calling and sorting things right! although high. managed to pull it off and reach dinner at da Parlo on time. where I only ate two forks full of squid ink pasta only to find out that it makes my whole mouth black. So I stuck to the bread and the crabs and the mushrooms. Oh yes. I arranged that dinner too!

So tired out and beat ... I arrived at MOS only just high enough to think that it was a christian holiday and the club was packed with 15 thousand people. Surely the muslims were going to bomb us!

I decided that if I was going to die that night! It might as well be with my friends. and i'll die high! So me and johnny bought a bottle of chivas each. and those two bottles never left our hands. It was a fun night. but sincerely speaking it was too expensive.

lost my dkny jacket at MOS! arghhh ... after washing zhiyun's puke off it!

Saturday, went house shopping. but didn't find anything really interesting. dressed up in a Chinese jacket for the zouk ball. which was okay in the beginning casue of all the glamour and the red carpet and all. But it was way too crowded and had to end the night at wine bar!

Sunday was a fruitful one cause i spent the whole day with my family more or less. had lunch at top of the M which was nice. and then went to send val and elroy to the airport. Followed by a short nap at home. Then dinner at esplenade and had a spliff for dessert. Then high as always, went to watch West Side Story with my whole family. Amazing!!

Went home and had another arrangement of a hit before watching a movie called "waiting" which is damn good. then I knocked out.

Last night! I smoked too much ... and slept 1 hour before arriving in camp stoned! and now here I am! sooooo .... tired!

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Tue, 11 Apr 2006 03:22:29 GMT

Hmmm ... I just realised that when i write my blog entries. I don't really have a structure. I just type. And it's not really that nice to read. And the english I use is so casual.

I've noticed that all the blogs that I read, are all written in good proper english! And they always have structure. Like an introduction and then some photos and captions to explain the photos or whatever.

So I've decided, that from the next entry onwards, I will ...

DO whatever the hell I wanna do and type however the hell I like!

Because I'm not a blogger!!!!! I write to pass time! In this fuckiong shit hole!

called tha army!

see ...

Can

TyPe LiKe

This if I wanted to. And you'd still have

TO read IT!

You must be thinking i'm sooo bored in camp to be writing an entry like this. haha

but i'm actually going to call her later. as in sophie. So i'm thinking very hard actually how to get her attention and planning what I should ask her to do with me tmr? And i'm planning a party for tonight cuz papercloud is back. and so is val and elroy and ling and alex and my sis. So it's gonna be like a big reunion!

Peace out ... wish me luck

hang in there lorr!

fell in love

Mon, 10 Apr 2006 07:01:45 GMT

And I thought it was going to be hard to get over her!

I was smoking and smoking and drinking and smoking at the rugby 7s. I wanted more beer.

So I look around the stadium for one of those beer chicks ... and there she was ...

My eyes were glued. i just sat there ... acting all cool ... and trying to play the 'I'm looking at you but i'm not gonna do anything about it' kinda role play.

then lionel kept shouting ... 'hey baby ... CAN I HAVE MORE BEER AND YOUR NUMBER sexy!'

I was just looking at her. and she looked intimidated. So i stood up and sed. "I apologise about my friends, we're a bit drunk but we'd really love you to get us some beer. thank you!"

She got us the beer ... and when she was walking back, I kept staring but this time when i was looking at her ... Our eyes met and she smiled and looked down to the floor. But my eyes never left her. I think she was flirting. I'm quite sure she wasn't shy!

She walked right up to me and passed me the beer. I paid for it and asked for her name, told her to keep the change and she was off doing her own thing, still smiling. it wasn't much ... but it was a start. While doing the transaction, lionel shouted, hey Is your BF Brian Ng? thats just some guy she knows and lionel thought they were going out so he decided to ask.

she didn't answer. SHE WAS SOOOO HOT!!! I couldn't take it. I finished my beer and had to go smoke. Then she was there ... alone! I was smoking with a whole bunch or other people. But i found the courage to walk over.

The worst pick up line I could have ever sed ....

ME: Hi, i'm drunk but you can call me Roger. Very nice to meet you Sophie.

SOPHIE: Nice to meet you too, hey do u go clubbing?

ME: All the time man!

Johnny ( my god brother) cuts into our conversation and says

Johnny: Aye! where's my beer? You didn't bring me my beer just now! I was waiting so long!

SOPHIE: Oh! sorry sorry! I'll bring it right over.

Johnny: it's okay, I don't want it anymore.

I punch johnny in the chest ... like softly .... and blow smoke in his face

ME: Oei ... can u please fuck off cause i was just about to ask sophie for her number.

This was said out loud so she could hear it.

Johnny: Oh! sorry! ( he leaves )

ME: So I'd be very pleased if you gave me your number! I'd like to call you out some time!

SOPHIE: Just to clear the air, I heard your friend asking me if i was brian's GF just now! I just wanna tell u that i'm not his GF.

ME: Splendid. ( I pull out my handphone ) and she gives me her no.

SOPHIE: Do you know how to spell my name?

ME: SOF? (she shakes her head ) SOPH!

SOPHIE: YES!

ME: Awesome! I'll call you soon. Enjoy your day!

SOPHIE: BYE!

Or somewhere along those lines. I was really monged out and too drunk to really remember!

internet radio

Wed, 05 Apr 2006 01:18:59 GMT

Just wondering ... What do you guys use to listen to music online. Search for songs before BUYING the album.

I used to use Pandora but now I found this other thing.

It's not as funky but this one has a selection and is faster in a way to find songs you like.

It's very simple and easy to use. basically it's like a search engine so just type in the song or artist and click on whatever u wanna listen to.

A playlist will pop up and it's really quite diverse. So from there, you can search more songs and see if you like them enough to buy their album.

You know, buying an album nowadays is not like how it used to be. Now the more high end recordings have like multimedia cds attached to it with like making of the videos or like the music videos itself. Plus it's really not that expensive. it costs like less then 2 packets of smokes. And the sound quality you get is soooo much better.

I'm talking about the mixing and the mastering. Like if you buy something like a modonna album, you can actually hear like the really detailed sounds moving around when sitting in the car or if you have good ear/head phones. when converting to mp3 formats, you're actually flattening the sound so the song sounds very mellow and flat.

There you go. Ooooo ... plus you won't have to get into the risk of getting fined.

Confined

Tue, 04 Apr 2006 08:58:58 GMT

I got Confined again... This time I dunno for what! And I'm not gonna talk back again ... in case they wanna charge me... fuckign sian ...And val and ling and elroy are back ... fucking bummer man! CB! Fuck this army ... i'm gonna do sumthing about this man ...

So much for my last entry

Mon, 03 Apr 2006 08:14:04 GMT

Oh man ... I know I said that I should get my life back on track and all that. haha ... but I've been smoking up and drinking so much i forgot. sheesh ... okay ... but i'm sure it'll take some time for me to change this lifestyle so ... yeah ... might take a while ..